To Love is Pain
by AlwaysYoursNoMatterWhat
Summary: This is a Dramione story. My first one in a long time. Hermione and Draco are head boy and girl. Things change between them. Hermione had a muggle boyfriend back home. What will happen? Lemons in later chapters !
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing but the plot.

First story so please read and review!

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Hermione was in love. That much was certain. Draco Malfoy was everything she didn't want or need. But she couldn't help herself. It all started in their last year at Hogwarts.

*FLASHBACK*

_It was the summer after sixth year. Hermione was at home in muggle London with her parents for the summer. It was then that she met Derek. Derek was a muggle boy that lived in her neighborhood. She met him one night two weeks before her return to Hogwarts. Her muggle friend Cierra convinced her to attend an end of summer party with the local teenagers. There she met Derek and they hit it off. _

_After two weeks, Hermione gave him the one thing she had never expected. She lost her virginity to him. _

_They lay on Derek's bed side by side. He kissed her passionately and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Slowly, piece by piece, their clothing was shed._

_"Are you sure? I don't want to rush you into a decision. I know you have to leave for school tomorrow but we could always wait. I'll see you on breaks. We don't have to do this right now."_

_"I'm sure Derek. I want this experience with you," and Hermione was sure. At first, it was very painful. Hermione cried and wondered why she had agreed to this. Eventually, she asked Derek to stop. Ever the gentleman, he obliged. They lay there together naked for an hour. And then they tried again. And after the pain subsided, it was magical. Hermione was never a sexual person, but this was amazing. She loved sex. _

And so it was after that, that Hermione boarded the train back to Hogwarts the next day. Because it was Hermione, being awarded the position of Head Girl was to be expected. That wasn't the surprise. The surprise was who was awarded Head Boy. Hermione entered the Head's compartment and came face to face with Draco Malfoy.

"Are you kidding me?! Of all the insufferable prats. Who'd you have to sleep with to get this Malfoy?"

"Please Granger. Even you know how intelligent I am. I am second in our year after all."

And so it was that Hermione was stuck sharing a Head's dorm with Draco Malfoy.

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After returning to Hogwarts, Hermione decided to keep her relationship with Derek going. They wrote to each other and saw each other often on breaks from school.

The first few months passed with no incident. Malfoy was as annoying as ever and constantly started arguments that Hermione of course was determined to finish. The two bickered back and forth constantly. But he had not yet called her a mudblood or insulted her heritage. The arguing was almost playful. Almost flirtatious. They became hesitant friends.

After a particularly stressful day in December, Hermione returned to the Head's common room and plopped herself on the couch. She opened up her favourite book and started to read. The sound of the portrait opening caught her attention. She looked up to see Draco walking in from quidditch practice. Quidditch had done him well over the years. He was wearing his uniform but had the top buttons undone to reveal his chest. He was sweating and clearly out of breath. His blond hair was falling into his eyes. The image reminded Hermione of someone who had just had a particularly good shag.

Hermione's breath caught in her throat. Something awakened in her in that moment. She had never had an urge this strong. She wanted Draco Malfoy, and she wanted him bad. She felt liquid pool between her thighs and wondered how she hadn't noticed this about him before.

"Rough practice?" Her voice came out much huskier than she had intended.

"Just a little. I'm going to take a shower, care to join?" He winked as he said this and Hermione almost melted.

"I bet Derek would love hearing about that in a letter." It was the only thing Hermione could think of to say. She was mainly trying to remind herself that she had a boyfriend and shouldn't be considering taking him up on it.

Malfoy's face sunk slightly but not so that Hermione noticed it. He stalked off into the bathroom and Hermione could hear the shower running. She took the time to cool herself off and try and talk herself through what just happened.

_I'm with Derek. I should not be having these thoughts. This is Malfoy. Arrogant, insufferable prat. Who hasn't called me a mudblood once this year. Who has been flirting with me since September. DEREK! Derek Derek Derek._

Hermione tried to talk herself out of these feelings but her body just wouldn't have it. And so these little incidents continued. She just had to see him, or smell him and her body would react. She couldn't help herself.

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I realize this might not be the greatest. The story will get better. There will be sadness and not necessarily a happy ending. But who knows at this point! Next chapter is to come hopefully later today !

Please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter is a darker side of Hermione. But hopefully you will read and enjoy anyway!

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Christmas break rolled around before Hermione knew it. She had two weeks to spend at home with Derek and she couldn't be more excited. All the students boarded the trains and headed back home for the holidays. When Hermione arrived at her parents house, she spent an hour catching up with them. After that she couldn't wait any longer and headed out for Derek's house.

She knocked on the front door and greeted Derek's mother when she answered.

"Oh Hermione dear! Derek's just up in his room with Cierra. They're working on some school project or another. Head on up there and surprise them!"

Hermione was thrilled with this. She hadn't seen Cierra since the summer party where she met Derek. She thanked Derek's mother and quietly walked up the stairs. She had planned on opening his bedroom door and suprising them both with her presence and they could all have a big happy reunion. That isn't quite what happened.

Although she did surprise them, it wasn't the happy reunion she had hoped for. She opened the door to find Derek and Cierra under the blankets on Derek's bed. Her bestfriend was sleeping with her boyfriend!

"How could you do this to me!? How long as this been going on? What is wrong with you!" Hermione turned to leave.

"Hermione wait! Please just let me explain," Derek looked close to tears. Hermione being the ever curious witch, was intrigued.

"YOU!" Hermione pointed at Cierra but didn't dare look at her. "I want you out of here. I need to talk to him. And don't ever try contacting me again."

Cierra sheepishly gathered her clothes and walked out of the room with silent tears streaming down her face and her back still to Hermione.

"Well. Explain." Hermione kept a straight face and tried not to let the tears fall. She had to know why he did this.

"The night we met.. at that party. I didn't know then how much you would mean to me now. I never wanted to hurt you and you have to know that."

"Never wanted to hurt me?! Then why are you fucking that whore I used to call my bestfriend!" Derek's mouth hung open. Hermione never used foul language. He somehow regained his composure and went on explaining.

"The night at that party. I met you and I liked you but you left early. And I was drinking, and Cierra was still there. And well.. one thing led to another and we had sex. And after we started dating I was never going to do it again! But then September came around. And Cierra said she needed to talk to me. And I thought it was going to be about you. So I agreed to meet with her. And she told me she was pregnant. She's pregnant with my baby Hermione. I love you. But I need to be there for her and our child. I'm so sorry Hermione."

Hermione didn't know what to say. The tears finally fell and she left the room. She left the house. And she never looked back. And neither Derek nor Cierra tried to contact her after that.

The rest of Christmas break was rough for Hermione. She didn't know what to do with herself. She needed a change. On her last day at home, the day before she was due to leave for Hogwarts, she took her Christmas money and went into the city.

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After arriving back at Hogwarts, Hermione unpacked her new wardrobe and walked into the shared bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror and admired herself. She had changed over break, that much was certain. She had changed inside and out. She had spent her Christmas money on tighter clothes, cuter shoes and a new tongue piercing. That was her favourite part. She had always wanted one but never had the guts to do it. It made her feel dangerous. Like she wasn't just the goody goody that everybody thought her to be.

She was determined to feel good about herself no matter what. She was going to get what she wanted. And what she wanted, was Draco Malfoy.

When Draco entered the Head's common room, he was surprised to find that a certain bushy mane was missing from its usual spot peeking over the back of the arm chair by the fire. And in it's place was a head of sleek straight brunette hair. He walked around the chair to find Hermione curled up reading her favourite book. That part was normal. What wasn't normal was the tight pink sweater and blue jeans she wore. Or the piece of jewellery visible on her tongue when she licked her finger to turn the page.

"Can I help you with something Malfoy?" She said as she finally looked up from her book.

"Have a good break did you?" Malfoy was secretly impressed with the new look. She looked sexier. Dangerous even. The kind of girl you wouldn't want to take home to your mother.

"No actually. But thank you for asking."

"What's with the new look?" He had to ask. There was no ignoring it.

"I broke it off with Derek. Needed a change." Hermione was enjoying this. He hadn't moved from his spot in front of the fire since he walked in. He was just staring at her. She pretended to seem indifferent but inside she was loving the attention.

"I see." Malfoy went into his room and dropped off his things. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. Hermione Granger, muggle, prude, bookworm extraordinaire, was sexy. He had always thought she was cute. He had wondered what she hid underneath her robes. But he had never imagined her dressing this way. Or getting piercings! He felt drawn to her. So under the pretence of reading his own book, he made his way back into the common room and sat in the chair across from her.

The room was silent. Both Draco and Hermione were pretending to read their respective pieces of literature. But in reality, Draco was sneaking peeks at Hermione when she wasn't looking. Everytime she turned a page he would catch a glimpse of the metal in her mouth and feel the crotch of his pants get tighter. And for her part, Hermione was trying to gauge his reaction to her new look. It went on like this for a while until they both looked up at the same time and accidentally caught each others eyes.

"So. That thing in your mouth. Isn't that what muggle girls get to make their blowjobs better? Never pegged you for the type Granger."

"Wouldn't you like to know Malfoy."

"Maybe I would."

Hermione looked up again. Draco was giving her his ever famous smirk. She took this as a sign that he was teasing her.

"Very funny. Now seeing as I just got dumped, being made fun of isn't exactly what I had in mind for my evening tonight. So if you dont mind, I'll just be heading to my room." Hermione got up and crossed the room. Before she could reach her door Draco grabbed her wrist and stopped her in her tracks.

"Wait Hermione. I'm sorry. I know I can be a prat, but I think it's safe to say we've become somewhat friends over the past few months. Tentative friends at best, but still. Did you want to talk about it?"

Hermione was taken aback. She never expected this from him.

"There's not much to talk about really. He got my bestfriend pregnant and that's that." Hermione tried not to cry. She really did. But a single tear made its way down her cheek.

Malfoy wasn't sure what to do. So he took her into his arms and let her cry into his shoulder. He moved them over to the couch and they sat like that for a while with her in his arms. Eventually Hermione brought her head up and looked at him.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't fair."

"No worries Granger. That's what tentative friends at best are for." Hermione chuckled lightly at his joke and decided to go clean herself up.

"Thanks Draco," she said as she entered her room. Malfoy couldn't help but notice how nice his name sounded on her lips.

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Okay, so this chapter I think went a lot better! Still more to come soon :) Please review!


	3. BEWARE OF LEMONS

This chapter is very lemony! So readers please beware! AND review ! :)

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So the days passed that way. Hermione was slowly getting over Derek and becoming better friends with Malfoy. She still chose to wear her tight clothes and her tongue ring. She still wanted Draco but she realized that before she pursued anything with him, she needed to move on from Derek. It had been a month since the crying incident. She still thought about it because it was one of the only times she had had a true connection with Draco.

It was a Saturday morning in late January and Hermione was in their shared kitchen making herself some tea. It was warm and Hermione had no plans for the day so she had decided to stay in her spaghetti-strap shirt and short pyjamas. She didn't hear Draco's bedroom door open.

She was just leaning over the sink to wash her spoon when she felt hands on her hips and something solid pressed into her behind. She stood up straight and felt lips grazing her neck. She just saw his platinum blond hair out of the corner of her eye before she heard him speak softly into her ear.

"I can't take it anymore. You're driving me wild with these little outfits. You walk around with this new wardrobe looking drop dead gorgeous and you still act like you have no idea you're doing this to me."

Hermione nearly moaned. This is the stuff she had been dreaming about ever since she first saw Malfoy walk in that day after quidditch practice.

"What am I doing to you exactly, Malfoy?" She knew exactly what she was doing to him. She just wanted to hear him admit it.

"I have dreams about you Hermione. I have dreams about your sexy new outfits and your barely-there pyjamas and your tongue with that ring." As Malfoy said all of this, he was softly pushing his erection against her arse. "Why don't you show me what you can do with that ring Hermione."

Hermione turned around and finally captured his lips with her own. They kissed like they argued. Both were fighting for dominance. It was rough and sensual and it was exactly what they both needed. Draco bit Hermione's bottom lip and she opened her mouth to moan, allowing his tongue entrance.

He let his mouth leave hers and trail down her neck leaving love bites along her jawline. He picked her up and sat her on the counter with just enough room for him between her legs. She slid her shirt over her shoulders and he was pleased to find she had chosen not to wear a bra.

"Does that mean you're not wearing knickers?" He smirked at her.

"I guess you'll have to find out."

He pushed her back to lay across the countertop and pulled her shorts off. He was doubly pleased to see that there were in fact no knickers.

"God Hermione. You're amazing."

He kissed her breasts and sucked a nipple into his mouth. He rolled his tongue across the tip and she nearly screamed in pleasure. He trailed kisses from her chest to her naval, never taking his hands off her glorious mounds. He followed his trail downward to her bare flesh. He ran his finger up and down her folds and became instantly harder when he realized how wet she already was.

He roughly inserted a finger into her hole and she moaned for him again. He was determined to pleasure her. He followed his finger with his tongue and sucked on her clit. She jolted upright and held his head with her hands. She never wanted him to leave where he was right now.

"Oh God Draco!"

Draco moaned with his tongue inside of her. The way she said his name almost made him lose it on the spot. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I need you Hermione."

Hermione hopped off the counter and pulled Draco's boxers off. His cock sprung free and she was impressed by the size.

"You've been holding out on me."

"It's all yours now baby."

Hermione wrapped her hands around his impressive girth and moved them up and down. Draco looked down at her innocent face and wondered how she was so good at this.

Before she lost her courage, Hermione leant forward and took him in her mouth.

"Fuck Granger!" Malfoy unconsciously thrust his hips forward, forcing her to take him deeper. He could feel that little ball of metal rolling just under the head of his dick. It was the most incredible thing he had ever felt.

"God I love muggle inventions!" Draco exclaimed. She bobbed her head back and forth, taking him deeper each time. She pulled back until just the head was in her mouth and she licked the tip of his penis. Draco saw stars. He came in her mouth and she swallowed every drop, sucking him until he was dry.

Draco rested against the countertop as he came down from his high.

"Well. You definitely know how to use it." Hermione giggled and blushed. She was euphoric. Making Draco feel so good was amazing. She felt empowered and more like a woman than she ever had in her entire life.

She picked up her clothes and started heading back towards her room.

"Where do you think you're going, you little minx? I'm not done with you yet!"

Draco followed her to her room and they climbed on the bed together. Draco was already set for round 2.

"I want you so bad Hermione."

"Fuck me, Malfoy."

Draco wasn't the type of man to pass up an opportunity. He flipped her onto her stomach and pulled her ass towards him. He plunged into her from behind. She cried out his name. Never had a man filled her like that before. The feeling was indescribable. He fucked her like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back, holding her there. He pulled out until just the tip was inside of her and then he drove back in. The room was filled with the smell of sex and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh.

He could feel her tightening and he reached around her to play with her clit.

"Cum for me Hermione! I want to feel you."

And cum she did. Hermione had the most powerful orgasm she had ever experienced. Lights danced behind her eyes and she screamed profanities she didn't even know existed.

"OH DRACO! Mmm yes!"

Draco felt her inner walls contracting around him and he followed suit. He emptied himself completely inside of her. He pulled himself out of her and lay down on her bed. She laid down beside him.

"Why didn't we do that sooner?" Draco looked at her as he said this.

"I really don't know. That was amazing."

They laid like that for the rest of the morning. Eventually Draco got up and made his way to his own room, leaving Hermione to fall asleep in her bed.

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This is not the end! More to come soon :) Hope you all are enjoying and please review!


	4. Chapter 4

And the sadness begins..

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Hermione wasn't sure what she had expected to happen after her encounter with Draco. But this wasn't it.

She was sitting in the Great Hall between Harry and Ron. She was watching from across the room as Draco wrapped his arm around Pansy Parkinson. Every few minutes or so, Pansy would laugh at something Malfoy said and lean possessively into his shoulder. Hermione's blood boiled.

She didn't expect him to ask her to be his girlfriend. She knew that was ridiculous. But she had hoped that he had enough respect for her to treat her better. If she was being perfectly honest, she was impressed with herself for getting him in bed in the first place. He's the Slytherin Sex God for goodness sakes. But she didn't realize how much of a let down it would be to realize that she was nothing more than another notch on his belt until it actually happened.

She felt like there was a lump at the back of her throat. And everytime she tried to swallow it, tears would start to burn her eyes. She quietly excused herself from the table and headed back to her bedroom. On the way there she did a lot of thinking.

_I feel disgusting. I feel like one of those whores in the movies who just gives it out to any guy that comes her way. Except he's not just any guy. I've really gotten to know Draco over the past few months.. They say that the line between love and hate isn't hard to cross.. I've hated him before and I could do it again. Except I don't know if I could now.. I know him too well. I'm so used to seeing him all the time and I await our flirting after class everyday. I don't know if I could really hate him again. I think I may love him. But I still should stand my ground. I shouldn't let him use me like that. And yet.. if he touched me again.. I don't know that I would be able to say no. I have too much of a weakness for him. How did this happen?! After living with him for almost 6 months.. how does somebody fall in love in that short of a time period? But I'm sure it's love. There's no other explanation._

Hermione was frantic. She didn't know what to do with herself. She had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy. Slytherin Sex God. Badboy extraordinaire. She told herself that she wouldn't let him touch her again. That he didn't deserve her. But the question in her mind was, did she really deserve him?

Hermione was laying quietly on her bed. She was staring at the ceiling and trying to process all the thoughts and feelings she was having. She heard the portrait open and rolled over, pretending to be asleep. She couldn't deal with Draco right now. Not when her resolve was so weak. But sure enough, he was never one to accomodate.

Her bedroom door opened and she heard soft footsteps approaching her bed. The covers were lifted and his warm body slid under the sheets next to her. He wrapped his arm around her midsection and cuddled his face into her hair.

"Hello love."

How could he make her feel so special and so rotten all at once? It wasn't fair.

"Hi." She was trying to seem distant. Trying to pretend like nothing mattered. Like his arm wrapped around her didn't make her heart sputter.

He started to kiss her neck. "I had fun yesterday." His kisses started dipping lower and lower until eventually he was kissing down the spine of her back. That was it for her. All rational thought went out the window and thoughts of anger and betrayal were pushed to the back of her mind. She was in love. And that was for certain. Because there was no other reason that Hermione would let a man use her that way.

But that's what love is, isn't it? When you're so in love that even though you know you should be telling yourself that you deserve better, that you shouldnt be treated this way; you can't comprehend it. Because to you there is no better. There is only them. Because even with their flaws, they are somehow still perfect.

Hermione lost all her resolve. She gave into him completely. She let him have her in any way that he wanted. From that day on, she was his. If he wanted sex, she gave it to him. If he wanted to cuddle, he got it. But when she wanted these things, she held back. She didn't dare ask for them because they both knew that this was on his terms. They were no longer friends. She was hopelessly in love, and he was oblivious to it. Until one day in late June.

* * *

Ever since they had started sleeping together more consistently, Draco had stopped sleeping with other girls. Or as far as Hermione knew anyway. If he was still sleeping with them, then he was keeping it very low-key. For this, she was grateful. It allowed her to pretend that maybe he did love her and that maybe he did want more than this meaningless relationship. And for that reason, she still held out hope.

It was about a week before exams started, and therefore two weeks before the students went home for the summer. Hermione was passing through the Great Hall and laughing at something Harry was saying. She was having a good day. She had slept in Draco's bed last night and got to wake up to his face this morning. She even got a kiss goodbye when they left for breakfast and a promise for another round that night.

They were passing the Slytherin table when Hermione slipped on something and fell.

"Hermione! Are you okay?" Harry grabbed her arm and helped her up. Hermione laughed slightly before replying.

"Yeah I'm okay. A little embarrassed though. I slipped on something. Ah, this." She picked up a folded piece of parchment. "I think I'd better move it so some first year doesn't kill himself on it." Without thinking, she put the folded paper into her pants pocket and continued on with her day.

When she was getting undressed for bed that night, she pulled off her pants and the parchment fell onto the floor. Curiousity got the better of her and she decided to open it.

Pansy,

Meet me in the old place. I want to have a little fun ;)

-D

Hermione didn't know whether to cry, or light the thing on fire. It may have been discreet but she knew exactly who that D was. And it broke her heart. She lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling completely numb. Eventually she fell asleep that way.

She awoke what must have been hours later to her sheets being ruffled. She sat up straight and put her back against her headboard. Draco stopped trying to climb onto the bed and gave her a strange look.

"I want you to leave please Draco."

"I'm sorry it's so late. I got caught up with some homework in the library."

"I'm not doing this anymore Draco. I'm not waiting up all night to see if maybe you have some extra time for me."

"I dont understand.."

"I like you Draco. No, fuck that. I love you. And I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to get hurt anymore."

Draco looked like he wasn't sure what to say.

"Why do you love me? I'm an asshole."

"I know. I don't know why I love you. It's not something I can explain. All you need to know is that I've finally realized that I deserve better and I'm not letting myself get hurt anymore. I'm not doing this."

".. I'll miss you."

"No. Don't do that. Don't tell me things you don't mean. It's cruel and after everything I've put up with and everything I've gone through for you, I hope you would respect me more than that."

"Okay. I'm sorry." He slowly got up and left her room.

After that night, Hermione avoided all contact with Malfoy. She would take different routes to class, eat all her meals in the Great Hall, and stay locked securely in her bedroom when she had to be in the same vicinity as him. The few times that they did come into contact, she avoided eye contact with him and acted as if nothing had happened. Until finally, she had finished her last exam and packed her things to go back home. She was finished Hogwarts and as much as she would miss the school and the proffessors and the classes, she was glad to be free of Draco Malfoy. To finally have the time and space she needed to get over him.

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To be continued! Not sure if it will be a happy ending or not.. I guess we will find out. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW ! It would mean the world to me :)


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